In the following months Jack asked a few times to go in public and he was insisting that I change his diaper standing up so I thought we'd go for it again. We did so in early April. Jack did great at first...for a couple weeks. Then he started having 3-4 accidents a day (still 5-6 successes each day).
Last Tuesday was a bad day. With regard to Simon's behavior lately and Jack's potty problems I felt like I was getting an F in parenting. I texted Jeff and said "if parenting is measured in outcomes and am failing."
That night I said a prayer with each of the boys at bedtime. I talked with each of them about what we were going through and told them we needed Heavenly Father's help.
JACK HAS NOT HAD ONE ACCIDENT SINCE! Day or night! (He gets up to pee a couple times each night.) It is truly a miracle!
As a side not I contacted the potty queen for her advice, which I didn't need since God stepped in first. You get this mentoring service when you download her method and get an account. This is what she said in case you are interested. She was spot on. If I had not strayed from her program I think I would have avoided some of our problems. All hail the potty queen!
My plea for help: I potty trained Jack when he was 30 months with your method. He was mostly trained in 4 days, but continued to have at least one accident every day and would not use public potties or trees. We also discovered he has a very small bladder and pees at least once per hour. After a month I went back to diapers because I have another child and responsibilities that did not allow me to keep up with this. However, he continued to poop in the potty and has not pooped in his diaper for at least 3 months. About a month after he went back to diapers he asked to go in public and successfully did so...pee only. So figuring we were over the public hurdle I trained him again at 33 months (7 weeks ago). He did very well initially. After a couple weeks he was having only 1 accident a day and was dry some nights. However, most nights that he stays dry is because he would get up and go in the middle of the night. I thought we were doing well. However, he has regressed and a couple weeks ago he began having 2-4 accidents per day and has only been dry at night a couple times in the last couple weeks. He has accidents at any time...not only when playing, but also when I am standing talking to him or he is just quietly doing an activity at home...and sometimes only 20 minutes after he has just peed in the potty. Since this started happening I began employing rewards again and they have made no difference. He still pees at least once an hour. Out of words Help |
Her response...actually it's the queens assistant or something:
Based on what you have told me, I feel that your boy isn't necessary regressing, but is more acting out and trying to see what you will and will not allow him to get away with. I'll explain why I say this....
1) He knows what to do and how to do it. Just isn't doing it.
2) He was doing well, no accidents, and then BOOM accident city.
Some kids will have a "simple" accident after being dry for a time. When the parent sees the accident they are SHOCKED - which is completely understandable. Shock brings out frustration, and the child picks up on it. Kids like frustration so they continue to have the accidents to get mommy's attention. Even negative attention is attention, and they make mommy dance with their behavior!!!
The key to overcoming this behavior is fairly simple -- Stop responding to the negative behavior, and FLOOD him with extra praise constantly through out the day. You'll praise praise praise. Praise for going pee on time, praise for keeping his room clean, for picking up toys, for playing nice with friends. Praise often so that it is obvious what behavior you like to see. Now when he has an accident, don't respond with words. No words at all. Take him by the hand and bring him to the bathroom. Clean up the mess and change his clothes but do not be rough with your actions. Do all this without a word. Once he is clean, send him on his way and resume praising for all good things again. The more attention you draw towards the good behavior, the more willing he will be to repeat it due to the reaction he is getting.
Since he is pretty accident prone at this time, continue to give him the control, but encourage him to initiate the potty trips before you rush in and take over. Watch for his body language which tells you when he needs to go potty, such as wiggling, dancing, holding himself, etc. When you see this behavior, right then is when you should repeatedly remind him to let you know. Then, wait and watch him like a hawk. Do not take him to the potty unless he tells you or he begins to have an accident - at which time you should rush him to the potty to finish the very moment the accident begins. If you carry out the training this way, then it is going to teach him that you expect a verbal warning, as well as give him the practice at reading his own body 'cues'.
For nights, plan to check on him periodically through out the night. If he is dry, let him sleep. If he is wet, take note of the time and plan to check on him earlier the next night, and so forth, until you come to a time when he is consistently dry which is also just prior to when he would usually have an accident. Our goal is to pin point when the accidents are happening. Once you have an idea of when they occur, then you should begin taking him to the potty just prior to those times, before the accident takes place. If you do this consistently to where he has multiple dry nights, then he is going to learn to wake himself and go potty before releasing in his bed. It could take a few nights to get your times accurate enough, but once you do, it will be smooth sailing from there.
Start with these few suggestions and let me know how I can help you further. He is a smart little guy so once he sees that you are not going to give in due to your example of consistency, the better he will do.
-Julie Jensen
Mentoring Support
1) He knows what to do and how to do it. Just isn't doing it.
2) He was doing well, no accidents, and then BOOM accident city.
Some kids will have a "simple" accident after being dry for a time. When the parent sees the accident they are SHOCKED - which is completely understandable. Shock brings out frustration, and the child picks up on it. Kids like frustration so they continue to have the accidents to get mommy's attention. Even negative attention is attention, and they make mommy dance with their behavior!!!
The key to overcoming this behavior is fairly simple -- Stop responding to the negative behavior, and FLOOD him with extra praise constantly through out the day. You'll praise praise praise. Praise for going pee on time, praise for keeping his room clean, for picking up toys, for playing nice with friends. Praise often so that it is obvious what behavior you like to see. Now when he has an accident, don't respond with words. No words at all. Take him by the hand and bring him to the bathroom. Clean up the mess and change his clothes but do not be rough with your actions. Do all this without a word. Once he is clean, send him on his way and resume praising for all good things again. The more attention you draw towards the good behavior, the more willing he will be to repeat it due to the reaction he is getting.
Since he is pretty accident prone at this time, continue to give him the control, but encourage him to initiate the potty trips before you rush in and take over. Watch for his body language which tells you when he needs to go potty, such as wiggling, dancing, holding himself, etc. When you see this behavior, right then is when you should repeatedly remind him to let you know. Then, wait and watch him like a hawk. Do not take him to the potty unless he tells you or he begins to have an accident - at which time you should rush him to the potty to finish the very moment the accident begins. If you carry out the training this way, then it is going to teach him that you expect a verbal warning, as well as give him the practice at reading his own body 'cues'.
For nights, plan to check on him periodically through out the night. If he is dry, let him sleep. If he is wet, take note of the time and plan to check on him earlier the next night, and so forth, until you come to a time when he is consistently dry which is also just prior to when he would usually have an accident. Our goal is to pin point when the accidents are happening. Once you have an idea of when they occur, then you should begin taking him to the potty just prior to those times, before the accident takes place. If you do this consistently to where he has multiple dry nights, then he is going to learn to wake himself and go potty before releasing in his bed. It could take a few nights to get your times accurate enough, but once you do, it will be smooth sailing from there.
Start with these few suggestions and let me know how I can help you further. He is a smart little guy so once he sees that you are not going to give in due to your example of consistency, the better he will do.
-Julie Jensen
Mentoring Support
